Have you ever wondered what it would be like to jump into another dimension of your life? I have… and I did. I jumped.
It was the summer of 2017, so many things had happened, schemes, lies, betrayal and poisonous flutes. I became stronger because I created; ORIGINS was my catharsis. Then time went so fast, life changed in a blink of an eye and all of a sudden I arrived at Heathrow Airport on early December of the same year. I jumped, and I didn’t even realize how it happened or how I did it. I was just in the here and now, amazed by the wonders of this new dimension which was full of promises and possibilities. I jumped after my RESURGENCE, but in the journey, the energetic prince from that story would lose a few parts of himself…
The last post on my old blog dates from December 2017 and, after that, you never knew anything about me again… at least not by my writing or by my own narrative. During 2018 I experienced what I call, “the death of the teen” and the birth of the adult. I was traveling all around Europe while applying to university in the United Kingdom, meeting people, feeling happy, feeling overwhelmed, loving, crying, not sleeping, planning, reading… and I wondered if I was ready to experience this whole new dimension of possibilities. Was I ready to live this fast paced life? It didn’t matter, because, ready or not, there was no going back. If you are lucky to jump to a different dimension, there is no way you can jump back to the original dimension that you came from.
It is because of those situations and because of the many things that were going on, that all of my energy went to other aspects of my life, such as working on my documentation and making several trips to Mexico City during the summer to work on my residence permit for the UK. Wonderful things happened, but my brain was exhausted because, like I said, I was overwhelmed.
I came back to the UK in late August 2018 for my official move in as a resident, feeling happy and ready to face any challenge that this dimension that I CHOSE to live in would present to me. But I was still trying to find my creativity, because it had to be somewhere. It had to be.
I became sad and frustrated because I was unable to write and put my narrative out there. My new world was now dark and I felt blind because I had lost my creativity, considering that writing has been a vital part of me since I was 10. I started to think “well, maybe it is one thing for the other”. “Maybe I got a new life, but I lost my writing.”
And when you lose the one thing that is not only the purpose of your life, but also of your career, you start to wonder what is the point of many things. What am I here for? What is the point of doing this if I can’t write anymore? Or, what is the point of trying to be a great dancer if I can’t dance anymore? What is the point of living, when my whole purpose has been lost? I felt like I was about to lose everything that I had been able to achieve while being in my early twenties.
Luckily, there were two crucial days that changed everything.
The first one, was the day when I hit rock-bottom. I was walking down the streets of Paris, it was a grey and windy day to which I added colour to by getting my very beloved Pierre Hermé macarons (because, even if you jump to a different dimension, some things never change) I sat for a few moments in a little bistro of the 7th arrondissement and then walked along the Seine where I stopped for an unknown amount of minutes to watch and examine everything that was happening, the people passing by, with shopping bags, with smiles, some of them arguing, some of them kissing, or holding hands, some of them running. I also stared at the river, at the bright yellow lights, I felt the cold wind on my face and I felt so impotent. There were so many things that I was experiencing, so much I wanted to tell, but I couldn’t. I was unable to. And that made me sad… really sad.
After that day which turned into night, a deep examination of my own self started to take place, in which I got introduced to my biggest fears and also, my biggest dreams. It was only after that, that I started to recover.
The second day, was actually a couple months before day one. It was the day when I met a wonderful, charming and peaceful soul which so much fills my life with love and tranquility. I started to feel like my heart was working again, but at the same time, I was feeling anxious (I might write something about this in the future). If you know the ME, from the other dimension, you know how I have written about my love life. You know that there was once a man that I loved very much who sadly went away to Switzerland and then passed because of cancer, you know that I had a life lesson with a doctor when I was 17, you know about the guy who broke my heart in a Crown Victoria and you know about the awful dates that I had to experience as I was desperately trying to find love. Because I am not ashamed to say that: I was looking for love. Love is the most amazing feeling in the world, because it gives you purpose and happiness, and glow.
It was because of those previous experiences from my other life that, when I found this wonderful man, I started to feel anxious. Because after having been disappointed so much, or played so many times, as soon as you are feeling happy with that new person, you also start to think that something bad will happen, just as in any other relationship that you’ve had in the past.
You know I have never given any real names, I usually choose a different name which still keeps the same initial of the real name of that person…. so, let’s call my baby ” J “. He has brought days of sunshine to my life and wonderful technicolor, while teaching me that the past not necessarily needs to be repeated over and over again, but instead, we can make THE FUTURE anything we want it to be. Life and love are like painting a wall, you can make it go green from yellow, or white from black. And J, well….he definitely painted me golden.
Oh, and he has also taught me how to do gardening and has amazed me with his large collection of antique radios and vinyl records. He has over 500! WHAT?! Though, let’s just say that I still need to adapt my style when it comes to gardening haha!
Those two days changed everything, and then I started constructing….. And here I am, ready to share my life and my happiness with you. I have finished my first year of university in the UK, I am currently undecided about whether to stay in my accomodation or move to a new flat and I feel amazed by how fast time is going.
Oh! By the way, I also look at dimensions as holders of different eras. Not that I am a huge fan of “The OA” (which I am haha) but I feel like , every dimension can have different starting points. I have recently turned 24 and J and I celebrated all around the wonderful Notting Hill, where we also met a very interesting lady at an italian restaurant after walking throughout the Portobello market. This polish lady was talking to us in such a casual and friendly way, as if we were old friends catching up, and it is really rare to have those kind of conversations with total strangers in 2019. But she was different, she had a light and friendly aura and later she asked for the staff of the restaurant to give me a birthday treat, they brought me a big tiramisu and sang happy birthday before I made a wish.
It was so random, but also fantastic. At one point of the conversation, she mentioned how people think that strangers talking to each other, in the way we were doing it, was a crazy thing. She mentioned that, what for some might be crazy, for others is just normal. She didn’t like the word “crazy”… so she said “It’s not crazy… IT’S COLOURFUL”. Ludi, if you are reading this, thanks again for the treat.
We went on to keep celebrating my new era, going to the top of Saint Paul’s Cathedral, attending Mary Quant’s exhibition at the V&A Museum, dining out and visiting Tiffany’s… because there is nothing very bad that could happen to you there!
What I am trying to say is: Why did I dissapear from the blogging sphere? Well, I needed some time off, but life and time have shaped me into a new human being with different ideas and perspectives on the world, on life and love. There was a moment when I thought I had forever lost my ability to narrate my life and that I would never be back to blogging again, but thankfully that didn’t happen!
I am now surrounded by great people who love me and nurish me in every possible way and I am so thankful for that. I am thankful for having jumped to this new dimension that I call “My Life In England”… an exciting and vibrant place where I had a fabulous 24th birthday!
So, yes, here I am, on this new blog, where I will be posting again and making it feel like a home, not only for me, but also for you, guys. I will also be reposting translated versions of -some- of the posts of my old blog… (just because we jumped to a new dimension doesn’t mean we have to forget about the previous one! … or ones ? Haha!)
And by the way! Click here to discover what I will be writing about in the very near future! There is a lot ahead of us!
I am happy and thrilled to welcome you into this brand new era, which is oh… SO COLOURFUL!